AnaInNY

forgot to write yesterday. well i woke up at 139. ugh. more than i thought. o well. i went on the tredmill for 40 mins and burned 340 cals. then had a sugar free-red bull and went to class. i was good and just had water there. then i got home and was feeling hungry but still staying strong. then the bf came over. he eats so much he just had dinner and made me go to quiznos. and i ate this huge sandwich and chips. i felt horrible. i felt soo huge. i threw away my whole day and the sandwich wasnt even that great. i always realize that after i binge that the food i crave isnt even that great. thin tastes better. but after that we watched a movie and i fell asleep haha. but then i wokr up and was energized and feeling goofy. so we like roll around on the floor, tickeled each other and kissed. i really am falling in love with him. we've been together a lil over 3 months. we're just so fun together. he kept saying that i was so cute and calling me babe. i love it. hes my favorite.

ok so this morning i went to weigh myself expecting my binge to completely destroy my day of fasting. i weighed 137.5. so i lost a lb and a half. not great but i didnt gain. so today is day 2 of the fasting and its halloween and i have such a sweet tooth. so i have to stay away from the candy. hopefully me and my bf will walk around tonight and walk off some cals. i cant give in i wont give in!

CW 137.5
GW 110
SW 139
LW 128
HW 164

ok so this is my first ever entry. i made this journal to track my weight loss progress. i'm a 19 year old college student from new york. i have been ana on and off for over a year now. i went from 145 to 128 in the summer. sadly when college picked back up i gained 10 pounds back. currently i am 5'5" and 138. i feel so gross. i hate getting dressed because i cant help but stress over how huge i look. everything on me is fat and flabby. i've been trying not to eat but its hard. i'm trying this whole writing thing to help me along and to hopefully get some support from others that feel as i do. I never remember a time when i didnt feel fat. i was always bigger than my friends growing up. i've had a history of depression and spent a good deal of high school in a hospital or going to therapy. i was on five meds all at once. i stopped taking my meds and learned to deal with myself. sort of. i still have my bullshit as does anyone. food to me is a hobby. i get bored and i eat even when i know i'm not hungry. when i dont eat i feel lighter and better than everyone else. i know i have to will power i just cant let the initial hunger get to me. today is another boring sunday sitting here in my room. i hope i dont give myself away because i really dont want any1 to know. oo well dont have many friends anyway so who cares. i ate chinese food this morning and i feel so gross but no more eating today. hopefully my mom will let me go to the grocery store so i can stock up on my special foods. i have to say i am very good at figuring out what foods are good and others that arent.